The great drama of the one whose life is filled with existential torment is that there are no valid answers to his questions other than the ones he himself validates. How can one bear it? Add skepticism to existential restlessness, and one has certain despair. The skeptic tends to reject possible answers to uncomfortable and unverifiable questions: from this stems his misfortune. He cannot accept what religion, esotericism, mysticism says; he is programmed to reject what he has not experienced. One can open an astrology book and find satisfactory answers for everything; one can take comfort in Christian salvation, Buddhist deliverance—but not for the one who refuses to believe. Every existential restlessness leads to a dilemma: to accredit by comfort what one receives without full proof, or to throw oneself into limitless affliction. Some, like Pascal, add a dose of reasoning to belief; others seem doomed to dissatisfaction.
Category: Notes
Whoever Targets Big Enterprises, Has to Start With the Small Ones
Whoever targets big enterprises, has to start with the small ones. This is the only way to prepare for what one aims. Planning has this advantage: it shows the difficulties beforehand, and also points out the path to follow. In literature, the candidate novelist does well, first of all, to specialize in smaller, autonomous constructions that contain simplified dramatic arcs. Small units, direct themes, structural simplicity. In his head, the characteristic unpretentiousness of one who knows himself learning, who knows himself at the beginning of a long process. This is how, with time, arrives the skill in working with speed, in the representation of diverse states of mind, and in the impression of powerful dramatic effects. It comes after many tests, many failures, and many lessons. To prepare for big enterprises, it is wise to continually strive for the elimination of luck.
The Reading of Mystics
I read mystics with real pleasure. Mystics: men who claim to see what I do not see, who argue with what I cannot prove. And pleasure, of course, to know myself eliminating to the last trace the ignorant presumption that characterizes the man of this century responsible for molding me. I am happy to see that there may be others with faculties that I do not possess, that I do not represent the human model in the fullness of capabilities. To me, reading them is always a lesson in humility.
Future Note
I have the note ready, but I cannot write it yet… Oh, anxiety! Come, time! I can already imagine the pleasure, the joy in transcribing my frustration in these words: Russian is much, much easier than Latin! Reading Dostoevsky and Tolstoy in the original is fun compared to understanding Tacitus, Virgil, Ovid, etc., etc. Come on, time! I cannot wait for this publication! Just thinking about my Latin dictionary makes me want to tear it up, burn it, throw it away, eliminate it forever from my life. I can no longer stand this crutch, without which I cannot advance a paragraph in classical authors… And the Russian… what about the Russian? Let’s wait…