Arquivo de Notes | Page 256 of 269

Judging: Unbearable Act!

Nothing is more unbearable to me than judging! As I have long since realized that I cannot stop doing so — albeit impersonally — I have learned to cultivate silence. Silence that, to appear outwardly patience and serenity, implies an endless inner war. I hate judgment, and yet I judge all the time. I annihilate myself when I find me condemning conducts, and I condemn all, especially mine.How I would like to hang these terrible outbursts of judgment! But there is no end, nor peace, and I consider myself victorious mantaining a minimal aspect that refers to humanity.

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The Common Christian

Despite attending the cults, parties, actively participating in the community, publishing proverbs and apologetic messages on social networks, I do not see a single distinction in the conduct of the common Christian before the rest of the people. Jesus’ prescription of conduct is, of course, recorded, but how many follow it? I think that the Christian necessarily should differ from the others, otherwise we would be Christians by inertia. I see this, for example, in Islamists. And what does the ordinary Christian do in our day? Do he sings on full voice during the service? He pays tithing? Even leaders: what currency do they pay for the title of spiritual authority? I wonder, that’s funny!… I just saw an evangelical pastor, dressed in social, entering a pub, eating a pie and following his life. I felt suddenly that I could pick up a microphone myself and, well dressed, preach to half a dozen faithful.

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Inglorious Occupation

Devote to an inglorious occupation, to work with superhuman force, to live daily with misunderstanding; fleeing conviviality, to combat ignorance, to fight by means of expression; if necessary, to face penury; to look directly at pain; to walk between shadows, in silence, moving away in serene resolution; to note the ambiguous, the contrast, undecided in which to believe; to expect nothing, never!, never abandoning duty; to feel helpless, flawed, sorry for previous oversights, ashamed of the latest production; to age ingdering, frustrated, without ever losing love at work. To die, finally, suspicious of own worth…

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Cure for Aging

I enthusiastically follow the scientific novelties about the cure for cell degeneration. I dream of the day when it will be possible to buy a pill — or a chewing gum, perhaps… — able to prevent aging, keeping the body healthy and at the peak of form forever; thus, only a fatality could take the life of a human being. Well, I dream of this day to use the volition I have left and say: this needle will never stick me! I belong to a generation that fades into life and disintegrates chewed by worms!

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