The Best of All Times

“At what time would you have lived if you could choose?” — someone throw the question at me. Unprepared, I cannot answer immediately. Not even after reflection. I am facing the question again. My first impulse is to think, “It would be better not to have lived ever…” — but I refuse the idea, it does not suits my profile… So I think about the various times and inevitably I am led to think of the various places. Where would I like to be born? I think and, incredibly, everything loses its luster: I see only what would be unbearable to me at all times and everywhere. The precariousness of cleaning forces me to cut all the centuries before the 19th century. I find myself with the horizon crassly reduced. Then the mind forces me to cut everything that is between the tropics: rather the gallows that heat twelve months a year…. Then I see my big intolerance exterminate time and space. Am I that hard to please? so adefied to customs? I think about America. Great America… But even America presents me with a big problem: the American; as well as France, the French and Germany, the German. I travel from north to south, travel in mind the 360 degrees of the globe and go back two centuries in time. I do not smile, and I come to the incredible conclusion that of all times, everywhere, it is best to be where I am: alone, in silence, seeing enter through the window the cool breeze of rain that falls outside…

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It Is Meritorious To Be Evangelical

Here I am mocking pastors, but the truth is, in general, I have more respect for evangelicals than for atheists. I mean: in general, I find much more atheistic than evangelical activism, and I consider the guy who thinks he is intelligent or superior for being an atheist a beautiful idiot. Being evangelical is meritorious: it involves an active effort that induces spiritual conflict. Someone is an atheist without reading anything at all; the evangelical, at the very least, reads the Bible. This says a lot: the average atheist does not reflect, does not know and does not seek to know what is going on in his life; the Bible, however, obliges the Evangelical to reflect. A dog, by definition, does not reflect and is an atheist. Most evangelicals, on the other side, undoubtedly worship the faith in silence and again and again. Comparing the common evangelical to the common atheist the conclusion is clear: this is an atheist by inertia, the other strives for faith. That is why I respect the evangelical. Moreover, the evangelical gaze before life is a courageous look. The ordinary atheist, however, is devoid of any depth of mind, existential anguish and is characterized briefly by not thinking. The common atheist buys an iPhone and concludes that man does not need God.

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Evangelical Pastors

Capitalism is full among evangelical pastors. I am not saying that it constitutes any demerit, but capitalizing on God’s name sounds to me too aggressive marketing. Why do I go back where I could avoid it? In all times and in various religions, the spiritual leader was an ascetic: denying the pleasures of the flesh, he paid for the title of spiritual authority. Exactly with the evangelical church this has changed, and today the pastor wears full costume, has wife and drives luxurious cars. Is it strange only for me? I perceive, disconcertedly, the obsession of pastors with the Pharisees: I see them condemning, in one package, knowledge and greed. But I have never seen, nor have heard, in all my life, of a single middle church pastor in financial difficulties: more, preaching pays them like successful businessmen. I think we need a redefinition: what is greed? Above all, who always represented greed in ancient times?

I go on — and I shudder at the obsession: — only those who turn their backs on money can speak about greed. And if I see an evangelical pastor with more money than his acolytes, I consider him a hypocrite. Patience, a lot of patience with my generalizations… But it is not me preaching that we are all brothers. Why does not the pastor lead by example? He could willingly begin by sharing his wealth and keeping to himself only what is necessary for life — and to spread his word as a messenger of God. But is the pastor content with so little? Absolutely not! The pastor wants luxury apartments and cars, wants to travel around the world and considers himself the son of God, that is, he thinks he is able to enjoy, too, the pleasures of capital. All right, all right… And each one dealing with your own greed and looking at the hypocritical face in the mirror.

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Psychological Particularities

I find it incredible how my absolute disenchantment with the world has not reverted into morbidity. In general, I am always in a good mood, laughing in thoughts, even though the experience already appears to me as exhausted. It is true: I am not humorous to many more than myself, but I judge it as almost a miracle to see me smiling, to desire an absolutely mediocre life from the point of view of the men of my time. Such incompatibility of tastes, habits, interests and temperament could more logically flow into sadness, anguish, apathy and despair.

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