All of man’s misery seems to stem from his inability to grasp with certainty the truth of his perceptions. But while it is true that he often misjudges things, just as often he gets it astonishingly right. Thus, statements made in youth—“this is what I will do with my life”; “I belong here”…—may come to be confirmed decades later, after the individual has almost changed his name, proving the incredible accuracy of those long-ago perceptions. The problem, then, is that it is difficult to distinguish between them, and thus to trust what one feels; but it certainly causes less regret to be mistaken in trusting than to disregard a very real and prodigious perception.
The Memory of Those Who Can Mentally…
The memory of those who can mentally reconstruct their childhood—recalling memorable moments and various events with details that would naturally be overlooked—is enviable. And even more enviable is the memory of those who, in addition to what they already recall effortlessly, can bring back just as much more by making an effort. For this is not a universal faculty. And for those who lack it, even worse than a void is uncertainty—that is, the vague recollection that something happened, but without any way to verify it. In other words: the guy has the impression of having said, thought, or experienced something, but cannot reconstruct it; he cannot even recall exactly what he said, thought, or experienced. Hence, another thought may immediately follow: if he did indeed say, think, or experience what he believes he did, then the connection between that distant event and the present would be real; and this connection, beyond being unimaginable and extraordinary, could not only endow destiny with beauty and meaning, but also affirm a fundamental reality. However, memory cannot confirm it: the astonishing coincidence, therefore, cannot assume a value greater than that of mere possibility. A waste that is extremely hard to swallow!
Just as Difficult as Letting the Negative…
Just as difficult as letting the negative dispositions, the pernicious outbursts and states of mind pass as if they were foreign to our nature is following Lavelle’s recommendation: “ne pas laisser flétrir, à ne pas gaspiller toutes les bonnes dispositions qui paraissent en nous par éclairs, mais au contraire à les retenir, à les mettre en œuvre et à les faire fructifier.” To take control of oneself is nothing other than consciously deciding what should pass and what should remain. To do so requires combining full attention with unwavering resolve. Very, very difficult… Yet, just as inattention leads to a loss of control, indifference toward those rare flashes is to reject the intimate connection they make possible, but which cannot be realized without active resolve.
True Courage
Lavelle pointed out:
Le véritable courage consiste à reconnaître notre vocation, qui est unique au monde, et à lui demeurer fidèle au milieu de tous les obstacles que nous rencontrons, sans nous permettre de jamais céder devant eux.
It is curious to note how a vocation, while it is relevant to the world, is always more or less hindered by it. Its relevance stems from its uniqueness; it stems from the fact that the world expands through its fulfillment, regardless of any considerations of greatness. However, that same world seems to boil down to a set of circumstances that actively work to disrupt it, to divert and disperse the focus, to obscure it, to belittle it, and to redirect the energy toward another end. The courage to face it, then, is truly authentic, for it confronts the whole at a tremendous disadvantage, in a battle in which the possible victory is always partial, taking upon oneself the extremely difficult task of striving to draw energy from the opposing force—but, above all, it is authentic because it does not hesitate in the face of the fundamental conflict.